


Practicing Normality

by LCsquee



Category: Death Note
Genre: Family, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:18:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LCsquee/pseuds/LCsquee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had to account for all of the little problems that littered the road to his perfect future—loyalties to keep up, alliances to make and break, suspicions to allay, appearances to maintain. Even his love life was carefully orchestrated to meet his ends- he made sure he chose the best possible partner... (MatsudaxLight. Rating will go up in the future.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Science of Attraction

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mature content later in the story-- the rating will be upped at that time.  
> Pairings: MatsudaxLight

Light had thought of the possibility a few times, before L’s death. He had to account for all of the little problems that littered the road to his perfect future—loyalties to keep up, alliances to make and break, suspicions to allay, appearances to maintain. It entailed a heavier workload than one might suspect, keeping himself in just the right place to work as Kira and L. He had to maintain and reinforce his social safety net, so to speak, constantly. His family and colleagues took up the most of his energies to keep complacent by the simple fact that they cared for him—caring meant interest, and interest meant scrutiny to ensure that he was ‘alright.’ As far from his intellectual level they may have been, the more “concerned” eyes on him, the higher the chance of suspicion being brought onto himself.

 

So he did what he had to. He let himself be caught ‘crying’ a few times after L’s death, holed up in a bathroom stall to sob or ducking into the break room with a quivering lip and wet eyes. He ate healthily, but indulged in the occasional proffered beer or slice of cake or the rare trip to a bar. He made sure to smile and frown and laugh, sometimes throwing out an embarrassing snort or giggle to emphasize the naturalness of it. The humanity of it. Human emotions, emitted at certain intervals and with calculated precision for the desired effect. He did it exceedingly well, but it lead to another problem that he had known he’d have to face. Romance, love, a permanent _relationship._

Light had used his share of women to further his plans since he had first discovered his fated Death Note as an innocent teenager. Now he was getting older. 19 may not have seemed very old to anyone else, but Light was planning his life, arranging the chess pieces on the board early on to ensure a victory in the long run. He needed to decide who he would choose to be a in a long-term relationship with. He wanted to keep Misa in his corner for her eyes; though he felt an acrid distaste for her, the value she held as an ally was too great to consider killing her off. That didn’t mean that he would carry on with his little ‘relationship’ with her. Continuing the fake romance wouldn’t make him any happier or better set to rule the world, and both his family and colleagues thought somewhat poorly of his choice in her. Worst of all, they were worried about their relationship. That wouldn’t do.

 

He could find and have his choice of women or men. In the end, he chose Matsuda.

 

He had given thought to Matsuda a number of times before. If he were completely honest with himself, he had thought that Matsuda would be a nice, safe choice for him when he was first introduced to Matsuda, a young new officer under his father’s watch, when he was just 20 and Light 13. Hey, he liked to plan ahead, even as a child. He now chose Matsuda as an adult for much the same reasons. He had the prime qualities he needed in a partner. He was gullible, good-natured, brave when needed, emotional at times. He was someone Light had known for years, both as a colleague and as one of his father’s co-workers, not to mention a family friend. Matsuda showed signs of attraction towards him(as did most everyone Light encountered), and he thought the world of Light. Matusda was well-liked, he was attractive and healthy. 7 years separated them, but as long as Light snagged him before he turned 30, he wouldn’t arouse suspicion—the goofy officer aged so slowly and acted even younger that the gap was of little matter. Above all, he was exceptionally _loyal._ That was a rare quality that not even Misa held—she was too unhinged and obsessive to be truly loyal. If Light entered into a relationship with Matsuda, made him think he loved him, his loyalty would be his forever. It was just what he needed. And so he set out to sow the seeds of their eventual union.

 

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

 

He broke up with Misa, privately telling her that it was for the sake of his career as Kira(which was the truth, surprisingly enough for the expert liar). She, of course, threw herself into a huge fit of depression, but followed Light’s suggestion to channel it into her work. She went on to release some surprisingly good movies involving emotional scenes that raked in awards. Though his friends and family expressed sympathy and remorse for their parting of ways, their body language spoke volumes of the relief they felt at having Misa out of their, and Light’s, life.

 

At 19, Light started off little ripples in his interactions with Matsuda that would lead to waves of change in the coming tides of time.  Abrupt smiles were given to Matusda when he would have been expected to react otherwise to him. Light sometimes gave him looks that lingered a little too long on the man’s retreating form. He would raise his heartbeat and call forth a slight blush if in close proximity to Matsuda, sometimes going so far as to drop what he was holding as if suddenly clumsy. He made sure to keep it subtle as he built it up, but just obvious enough that someone who was looking for the clues of attraction--- someone who was looking for Light to show interest in _anyone_ —would see it.

 

His father noticed first. Just as he expected. He was a man who did not interfere in Light’s life choices unless he was concerned. He did not approach Light about this, which meant he had his approval. Success.

 

He continued to build up his little signs of attraction to the carefree man, and one by one, the other members of the taskforce and his family realized his unspoken feelings for Matsuda. Light took his sweet time with his game, knowing that Matsuda would not fully realize his advances until he concretely showed his affection. The goal at that time was to get the other people in his life accustomed to the idea of him and Matsuda as a possible item, and to then get them on board to support their eventual coming together. He was building a small troop of supporters on a romantic campaign—a love army, one might say.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

Aizawa sat idly at his workstation. He was supposed to be working on a list of suspicious deaths that could be Kira-related, but his attention was otherwise occupied. The odd thing about the situation was that he was not worried in the least about being caught slacking off, seeing as his own boss was neglecting his own work. _Again._

 

Aizawa chewed on the end of his pen thoughtfully. Light had been acting off lately. Sure, he was still just as brilliant as ever, but his attention would slip at the oddest of times. They would be having a coffee break, and the kid would stare into space with the most peculiar little smile on his face. Or someone would point out a statistic to him and he’d blush. He’d even _stuttered_ a couple of times, seemingly out of the blue. He obviously had something else on his mind, but the question was _what_?

 

Right now, Light was looking at a spot slightly above his computer screen, eyes glazed. Aizawa worried that Light could still be mourning L, or that perhaps the stress of his enormous responsibility to act as L at such a young age was getting to him…. Aizawa watched intently as Light’s features lit up and a smile momentarily crossed his face. Why was that…? Oh, Matsuda was back with their lunch. Light accepted his packaged lunch from the smiling man, laughing a little shrilly at something the man said. His face flushed when Matsuda smiled back. Oh. _Oh._ Aizawa watched Light watch Matusda walk away, noticed that Light’s face took on a sort of … swooned look.

 

_Ha_ , Aizawa inwardly crowed to himself, Light was fine, just fine. He was just suffering from a crush on the most oblivious man in the world. Accepting his own lunch, he smirked into his drink. What a relief, and such a sweet piece of gossip.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

There came a time when Aizawa decided it was his duty as a longtime coworker and friend of the Yagami family to talk with the chief about his son’s… crush… on Matsuda. Light was unaware of when exactly this happened, but had predicted that it would happen at any rate.

 

            Aizawa had no idea how the chief would react to his son having a crush on a man—was Light even _out_ yet?—let alone a man such as _Matsuda._ If Aizawa’s little girl ever found herself head-over-heels for someone like Matusda, Aizawa would be displeased to say the very least… more like apocalyptically rageful. Soichiro had a heart condition to consider on top of it all… Aizawa gulped as he held his coffee cup in front of him like a shield. Soichiro gave him a puzzled, expectant look from across the table.

 

            Aizawa had invited the chief out for a cup of coffee before work to break the news to him. That was the easy part—the like-minded men often spent a spare moment together over coffee or something a little stronger. Actually telling him was the difficult part. Difficult, and so, so, _so_ very awkward. He cleared his throat with an effort and started, his voice slightly gruff, “Chief, I think there’s something you need to know about Light. He’s—well, you see, ahhhh… Matsuda—uhm, well, Light—“

 

Soichiro held up a hand to interrupt Aizawa. The other man snapped his mouth shut. Soichiro raised one eyebrow very, very slowly, and at length asked in slight exasperation, “Are you talking about Light’s crush on Matsuda?”

 

Aizawa’s face took on a perfect imitation of a fish with a particularly impressive afro. Soichiro smiled slightly, “I’ve known for a few weeks. I think it’d be good for the both of them.”

 

Recovering from his shock, Azawa stuttered out, “B-but-but they’re complete opposites!”

 

Soichiro made a small gesture with his cup as he replied sagely, “Not really. They’re plenty different, true—Light is highly intelligent, while Matusuda… does alright with the brains he has. Light has the social grace of a prince, and Matsuda that of a circus clown. Light is serious, and Matsuda carefree.”

 

Placing his cup down on the table in front of him, he continued, “But they are both stubborn, good men who are devoted to doing what’s right. They would compliment each other; Matsuda’s down-to-earth, happy-go-lucky attitude would check Light’s intensely-focused one, hopefully making him slow down and enjoy life. Light’s organization in his life would spread to Matsuda’s, helping him to get his life together. Light has trouble expressing and accepting affection, and Matsuda practically oozes it. Light is high-maintenance, and Matsuda loves to please others no matter the lengths, so he would take good care of Light. They would be as devoted to each other as they have been to this investigation. I think they’d be damn near perfect for each other.” He finished with a small, satisfied chuckle.

 

Aizawa stared at the chief for a good few minutes, eyes wide and blank. Soichiro continued to drink his coffee at leisure, waiting for his friend to rejoin him in the here and now from the state of shock he had sent him into. Light didn’t get his intelligence from thin air, Soichiro reminded himself somewhat smugly.  

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

Light made sure to give his teammates time away from him, especially when said alone time involved food—this magic combination ensured prime gossip time. One of these special times was during lunch when Light had elected to run home for some aspirin and Matsuda had gotten up to use the restroom. Mogi, Ide, and Aizawa sat with the chief, eating their lunches and talking about their lives. The moment Light and Matsuda were out of sight, the three younger detectives metaphorically pounced on poor Soichiro, pawing for details about Light and Matsuda.

 

“Are the together yet?” Ide asked quickly, straight to the point.

 

Soichiro sighed, his expression clearly disappointed, “No. Not that I know of, and I think _I_ would know…”

 

A cry of defeat echoed around the group. Mogi furrowed his brow, pondering aloud, “So, then Matsuda’s still unaware…?” The group swiveled their heads back to the chief, who nodded sadly in the affirmative.

 

“Maybe,” Aizawa mused, tapping the rim of his coffee mug, “we could set them up on a blind date… That’s how we got my cousin together with the girl he’d been exchanging longing looks with for years.” Again, all eyes turned to Soichiro.

 

“No,” he answered sadly, “while I’m sure Matusda would go on a blind date, Light is not the type to blindly meet someone on a romantic pretense… especially when he already is pining after someone right in front of him.” Dejected proclamations and sighs met the chief’s words. Ide opened his mouth to suggest something, but at that moment the doorknob clicked. The team abruptly went back to talking about their humdrum lives. Light held his smile in as he walked back into the room, aspirin bottle in hand.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

 

Not long after Light turned 20, Matsuda managed to get a date with a young woman who worked at a local café. Light made sure his smile was fixed and a little pained when Matsuda excitedly told the team, and his voice dry and breaking just ever –so-slightly when he wished him luck. Their co-workers shot Light looks of sympathy and regret, giving each other secretive little nods and frowns.

 

Light built up a mopey attitude as the days led up to Matsuda’s rare date. The other taskforce members acted impressively careful when around Light while giving the poor, bewildered Matsuda quite cold treatment. Light overheard whispered conversations about him and Matsuda, catching little clues that let him know things were running just the way he wanted them to, such as “poor kid, you can tell it’s eating him up,” and, “he’s so lovesick,” and his favorite, “If only Matsuda weren’t so _thick-headed_.” They were all on his side, much to Light’s glee, and they went on to show it.

 

Light watched on in silent delight as his coworkers actually tried to dissuade Matsuda from going on his date. Ide wheedled Matusda for a chance to go to a new movie with him. Mogi offered him cooking lessons. Aizawa grumbled at the poor man that he would just make a fool of himself. Matsuda endured so much negativity and harsh treatment that by the time he actually went on his date, he was moody, snappish, and completely lacking confidence.

 

The night of Matsuda’s date, Light went home early, a dejected look on his face and a definite slump in his step. He received calls from his friends and family, just “checking in” on him. His mother insisted that he come over for dinner and spend the night as it had been so long between proper visits, and he did so, being a good son and all. Of course his father had leaked the news to Sachiko that her son’s crush was going on a big date with someone else that night, so she did her best to smother him in comfort. He went to bed that night, having been coddled and fed his favorite foods. He was confident that Matsuda’s date would be a disaster.

 

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

 

The next day, Light went in to work with all the look of a man heartbroken. He was met with his mirror in Matsuda. Their colleagues could barely contain their glee as they beckoned Light over to hear Matusda recount, _yet again,_ his horrible date. How Matsuda managed to spill an entire plate of spaghetti on his date, or why he blamed it on her earrings was a mystery, but his date left him after only fifteen minutes into their meal. Light showed Matsuda sympathy while putting on a show of fighting a smile off his face. Matsuda seemed not to notice, but their co-workers did as they echoed it.

 

Light was very cheery that day, along with everyone else but the poor, disheartened Matsuda.  Light quietly voiced a desire to cheer Matsuda up, and his co-workers, so meticulously trained by him, announced that they would _all_ go out to a bar and get happily drunk that weekend; Light was 20, and so he was finally old enough to (legally) drink with them, and they could cheer Matsuda up from his crushing defeat of a date.

 

That weekend, Light and Matsuda accompanied Aizawa, Ide, Mogi, and Soichiro to a bar the officers favored. It was the perfect time for Light to push things into motion. Drinks were ordered and consumed in a feedback loop of increasing intoxication. Ties were loosened. Karaoke was sung badly by another group far off in the corner. Light kept his alcohol consumption to a minimum by means of surreptitiously dumping his drinks into a nearby plant, as such appearing to drink just as much as his inebriated friends. Matsuda was quickly becoming a sloppy mess. Light pulled a face when no one was looking. They was _not_ attractive. Matsuda hiccupped and followed it up with a loud, ringing laugh. Okay, _maybe_ he was still cute drunk off his ass, but he would be sure to keep his drinking to a minimum when they were finally together...

 

Speaking of together, Light needed to actually _get_ them together. There could be no subtlety, so suave maneuver to get this simple man to fall for him. He had to physically show him that he wanted a relationship—he had to dive in, literally.

 

It was easy to slip unnoticed passed the unfocused eyes of the others to where Matsuda sat. It was even easier to trip and fall onto him, rocking them on his barstool until they tumbled to the floor and under the ledge of the bar. He let their eyes meet for a long, slow moment in the dark under the bar. Perfect. He was blushing and looking embarrassed and just a little aroused. Light responded by raising his blood pressure to produce a deep, spreading flush of red on his own face. All the more it took was to arrange his features into a cute, wanton expression and a murmured, “M-Matsu,” and Matsuda lurched forward to meet him in their first kiss. _Success._

 

From there it was easy to transition into a rather short make-out session that was soon interrupted by Light not-so-accidentally kicking his father in the ankle as he ambled obliviously by. Cheers and catcalls followed them as they were pulled out from under the bar. The team looked as happy as they were drunk, which was _quite a lot_. Soichiro announced a little unsteadily that he was taking his son home to sober up, though he was unable to stop the smile from breaking out onto his face when he looked at Matsuda. Matsuda himself was apparently dazed, staring in shock at Light as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened. No doubt he would wake up the next morning with a hangover, wondering if it was all a dream. Good thing there were witnesses, Light thought as he was half-carried out to a waiting cab. His father was patting him on the shoulder as Light plopped down in the cab, trying to hide his smile as he told him that they’d have a man-to-man talk the next day. The cab rolled away from the bar, and Light could see his drunk team smacking Matsuda on the back and hollering congratulations.

 

Matsuda was a decent kisser while smashed—Light wondered how good he’d be fully sober.

 

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

 

The next day Light enjoyed sleeping in as he pretended to sleep off a hangover. He decided that noon was an appropriate time to send a text to Matsuda. His inbox was already starting to fill up from the rest of his co-workers and family. Gossips, the lot of them.

 

  ** _Hey Matsuda, I just wanted to ask if what I did was alright. Kissing you, I mean. I’m sorry if I overstepped any boundaries. – Light._** There. A little unsteady, a little awkwardly emotional, and still very much Light. He hit send with a smirk.

 

Ten minutes later he had a reply. Pffft. The man must have typed and retyped his message at least four times to take this long. **_Hi Light! Don’t worry it was ok! I’m also sorry if it wasn’t ok for me to kiss you. –Matsuda_**

****

Light bit his lip to stifle a snicker. So obvious. He typed out his response with precision. **_There’s nothing to be sorry for. It was more than okay. – Light_ ** Ohhh, this was fun, flirting with Matsuda.

 

Two minutes passed, and Light received a text back **_Really? Are you sure? We were drunk. – Matsuda “_** _Ugh, don’t pull this card Matsuda_ ,” Light tsked to himself _, “Let yourself have something good for once_.”

 

He sent out another text, too clear for even Matsuda to misinterpret **_To be honest, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long, long time, Matsuda. – Light_** This ought to do the trick.

****

Sure enough, not a full minute passed by before he received **_Really????? – Matsuda_**

 

 

_“No, I’m lying to make you fall in love with me and thus create a thicker social safety net and as such secure a new world order_ ,” Light thought to himself. **_Really. I’ve had a crush on you for quite awhile. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable. – Light_**

****

**_No,no, it’s fine with me! I just never thought…_** Another speedy reply. He must have been texting directly, with whatever was on his mind. Good. Maybe he could get him to ask him out before lunchtime.

 

He waited five minutes before sending him another text **_Matsuda? – Light_**

****

He got the reply he had been waiting for **_Hey, you wanna go get something to eat? – Matsuda_** Light frowned slightly. Couldn’t Matsuda ever be forward?

 

**_Like… a date? – Light_** “ _Come on_ ,” Light thought to himself, “ _make it official.”_

**_Yeah yes it’s a date! How about tomorrow at noon, we can have lunch at that café near work? – Matsuda_ **

****

_Finally._ Light let loose a laugh as he sent back a **_I’ll see you then! – Light_** Things were finally beginning to speed up. Now to go downstairs to have his Mom and sister squeal happily and have his father smile behind his coffee mug and gruffly tell him to go easy on Matsuda, the poor guy.

 

 

 


	2. Courtship of a Nimrod and a Genius

Chapter 2  
the Courtship of a Genius and a Nimrod

 

It turned out that his father did want to talk to him about Matsuda, and… other, less important things. Less important to Light, that is, who already had all the knowledge on everything his somewhat mortified father wanted to talk about. Of course, Soichiro wanted to talk about relationships, and everything that went along with them—love, commitment, emotions, and sex.

Light had been, thankfully, raised by a progressive family. Sure, his father was the stereotypical tough, stoic family man and sole bread winner, and his mother the counterpart little housewife. But the values his parents espoused were not outdated in the least. They supported equality in all ways, including sexual orientation. It was made clear to Light from an early age that whatever his orientation turned out to be, his family would accept and support unconditionally. And so his father sat him down in his office with a handful of pamphlets and books on safe sex. Specifically, safe sex between men. 

Light had been dreading this day for many years. He had yet to receive the full sex talk, as busy as his father had been with the Kira case from the time he was in high school—a few attempts were made here and there by both parents when schedules permitted, but the full disclosure had yet to go down. 

Light steeled himself, prepared for every mortified, squeamish, patient, and exasperated face he would have to make to get through this. At least he didn’t have a damn banana and condom in sight…

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

The date came and Light played the part of an excited yet bashful date expertly. Always punctual, he arrived ten minutes early to the café. He dressed as he always did—perfectly. Some nice slacks that were a little less formal than he wore for work, and a light blue button-up that had the sleeves carefully turned back to the crook of his elbow. He sat, waiting patiently for Matsuda. He knew the man would be late. Probably between 3.5 and 7 minutes. Various predictions ran through his head to pass the time. He’d probably mismatch his clothes at least a little. May even forget a clothing item—probably a sock. 

He was just thinking over the possibility that Matsuda would bring him a mangled flower when he saw someone very familiar, and not entirely unaccounted for. Sayu. His dear little sister was perched on a park bench opposite the café, opening a magazine to hide behind. Too late. Nosy little sneak. He briefly wondered if he should call her cellphone and scare the life out of her when someone else decided to join the little spy game. Aizawa casually walked into a shop behind Sayu’s bench. He hid behind a mannequin. Light squinted out the side of his eye, sipping from his cup of coffee. That was one more person than he expected to spy on his date. Nothing to be worried about, though. 

Matsuda was officially 3 minutes late. He chanced a look down the street—what was- oh. Oh, wow. Mogi and Ide. Dressed in their civvies and walking a dog. Seriously? Light had to stop from laughing, his nostrils flaring from the effort. These people were almost cute. 

The bell of the café tinkled. Light’s head whipped around, hair spinning in a bronze fan. “S-sorry I’m late Light-kun!” Correction: his snooping team wasn’t anywhere near cute—this ridiculous man was. 

Matsuda shuffled over to Light, 4 minutes late and dressed in wrinkled clothes. He must have chosen that outfit first, tore it off and tried on at least 3 others before giving up and putting it back on. His green striped polo matched his tan pants well enough, his watch was on the right wrist, both socks were present and matching. His hair was even combed, having tried to tame his cowlick. Ah, there it was. Black shoes and brown belt. Hm. He was rather looking forward to a battered little flower. Oh. Matsuda thrust out a small clover at him, already wilting.

Light’s eyebrows lifted in genuine surprise. “What’s this, Matsuda-kun?” he asked softly, reaching out for the small clover. Matsuda blushed harder. It was worth noting that the man had already been a delicate shade of pink on entering the café, so the coloring he had now was even more pronounced. The poor man would die of heatstroke by the end of the date, Light thought wryly. 

“Ah, that!” Matsuda laughed, edging on a nervous giggle, and slid into the seat opposite Light, “I was going to bring you a flower, but then I thought it would be a little silly, you know?” Light smiled and nodded slightly. “So I was looking at the ground, and there I saw the most perfect clover! It’s so symmetrical, and small, and even though it’s not a four-leaf one, I thought…” Matusda averted his gaze, obviously embarrassed and overwhelmed by this date. 

Matusda’s thoughts were easy to read. To date someone so seemingly perfect must be a horrifying and wondrous feeling, especially when you’re so ordinary. Matsuda was questioning himself, this date, everything. He didn’t think he was worth Light’s time of day. While those feelings were beneficial to Light in some ways, they were getting in the way right now—best to start chipping away at them.

Light gently spread out the curling leaves on the table, drawing Matsuda’s attention back to him. It was an ordinary clover. Nothing extraordinary. Three leaves, green and all relatively the same size. Not special at all.

“It’s special,” Light said quietly. Matsuda’s head jerked up to meet Light’s eyes. They were beautiful as always, but soft, amused and sincere, “because it’s from Matsuda-kun, and he always does things from his heart. That’s something about him I value greatly.” Matsuda’s flush was like an explosion of red heat, but he smiled a free, wide smile and laughed happily. 

The ice was broken, and the date proceeded naturally, observed by little cupid-wannabees. 

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

The aftermath of the date was positive, if a bit exhausting. Having to retell a story so many times to a circle of people can only be endured for so long. He swore, if his sister asked him one more time about Matsuda’s hair he would call her out on her spying. 

Matsuda most likely loved the attention, though. He could picture him now, grinning sheepishly and ducking his head as Aizawa asked him to retell his now famous ‘clover’ gift. The ritual they both found themselves in of reporting and rapporting about their date with loved ones would be very beneficial for a man who at once doubted himself, craved acceptance, and trusted the opinions of those close to him. While Light only found it tedious to politely mimic the enthusiasm of his family and friends, Matsuda was feeding off of it like the extrovert he was. They were reinforcing him and his role in their relationship. Such good little soldiers.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

It was admittedly uncomfortable to go back to work after the first date. They were trying out the waters—well, Light was moreso leading Matusda into the deep end—and while their co-workers were excited and happy, they were also… awkward. There was no other word for it. It was weird to have two of your friends dating, even when you really wanted them together. It was natural, though, and they would get used to it with time, just as they had gotten used to Light’s crush on Matsuda. 

-

“Mm.” Mogi motioned discreetly to Ide, “look at that, sitting with their knees nearly touching. It’s so sweet—but is it office appropriate?”

Ide squinted over at the couple. What was he talking about? Oh, yes, he supposed they were sitting closer than usual. But, then again, Aizawa was sitting just as close to the chief. “Mogi,” Ide sighed, “they’re not even touching, see? I say, as long as they’re not groping each other in the middle of the room in full view of everyone, they’re fine.”

Mogi frowned and pursed his lips. He did not agree, evidently. “But what if... they start getting more affectionate?” 

Ide shuttered his eyes, taking a deep breath. Mogi was so old-fashioned it almost hurt him. “Look,” he said at length, “they’re going to… you know, get more affectionate. They’re in a relationship, and that’s kind of what happens. But Light’s never been anything but professional at work, and I think Matsuda’s too shy to go around dry-humping Light in the office.” Mogi didn’t blush, but his frown did turn into a grimace.

“Like I said,” Ide went on, motioning Mogi back to their work, “I’m fine as long as they’re not going bananas on the coffee table.”

 

Twelve feet away, Light gently let his knee brush Matsuda’s.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

PDA. Ugh. Perhaps the most embarrassing part of this plan. Not that he was opposed to physical affection, no—he rather liked it, and looked forward to it. 

But slowly building up the touches, brushes, and little acts that needed to be done to build their relationship in the eyes of those around them? A little tedious, and a lot embarrassing. 

Light may be a god, but he also had a Dad, and when he had to slide his hand along Matsuda’s arm or have Matsuda swoop down and peck him a kiss before leaving the office in front of said Dad … yeah, no, he was not enjoying this part of the play. But he had to. He had to let the others know how their relationship was progressing from more than their words alone; he had to show them. People tended to believe their eyes more than their ears.

Their reactions could be amusing. His dad seemed torn on whether to be happy to see them being a happy and healthy couple, or tear them apart and forbid them to ever touch each other again. Typical fatherly reaction, but amusing nonetheless.

 

Light had honestly been expecting Ide to be the biggest pervert for all the ‘love’ he talked about. He was a pervert in his own right, absolutely—the innuendos never ceased with that man. He probably had a betting pool on when they’d have sex(Light was now nearly 78% sure he did, and 100% sure Sayu did as well). But the big surprise was Aizawa.

Aizawa… was a little bit perverted. Probably. Just a little. He watched a little too intently when Matsuda’s hands roamed down his back when Light gave him a hug. And he watched them… a lot. Nothing close to depraved or jealous or ‘cheat on his wife’ level… just a slightly unsettling perviness. Light didn’t often doubt himself, but he did wonder if Aizawa was maybe having some fatherly urges to push them apart, or if he was truly was a perv. Light may never know, and he was a little afraid to find out if he was honest with himself.

Mogi tended to be a little contradictory. He thought they were cute until they actually touched. They’d be perfectly fine, working next to each together, computer chairs an inch away. Then one of them would dare to put their hand on the other’s knee or tuck a hair behind the other’s ear-- and he’d quietly lumber over, coughing politely and maneuvering himself until he had effectively, and wordlessly, separated them. He was like a moving boulder; quiet, unstoppable, and really big. “Can’t a man hold hands with his boyfriend?” Matsuda had once grumbled at him, only to receive a serious “Not during work” in response.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

Time. Light planned so far ahead and kept diligent track of it and his many interconnecting plans. And now he had to make time for Matsuda, time for romance to bud and bloom. This was perhaps the hardest part, but perhaps the most fun.

Dates came and went. Light gently prodded Matsuda toward days he was off and things he’d like to do the next few times, as shy as Matsuda was about asking Light on dates, until the man could finally start asking Light on his own. And he did come up with some good dates; the carnival, a nice wine-tasting, and even a book-signing event were particularly nice. 

But the dates Light liked most were the transitory ones. The ones that led from official, designated “dates” to more natural, happenstantial ones that were less dates and more time spent together. It was a sign that they were moving from a dating to an item, that their relationship was maturing from puppy love into something bigger.

-

“Matsuda,” Light questioned from where he sat on Matsuda’s couch, “what do you want to do tonight?” It was a Friday night, and they had just gotten off work.

Matsuda answered from behind his bedroom door where he was changing out of his work clothes, “Ahhhh, I dunno, what do you want to do Light?”

Light shifted more comfortably on the couch. Matsuda’s apartment was small, but damn was it ever comfy—a lot like Matsuda, actually. “Eh,” Light answered noncommittally, “I’m a little tired, not really up to going out.”

Matsuda emerged from his bedroom, barefoot and in a pair of sweats and loose shirt. He’d become so much more at ease with Light compared to the bundle of nerves he’d been in their first weeks together. Light was proud of his work on the man; he was still near-reverent of Light, but he was now comfortable with him.

Matsuda lifted Light’s feet off the cushions and plopped down, resting them back on his lap. “Hm,” he pondered, absently patting Light’s ankle, “well, I think there was a movie on tonight. The one about the monsters that scare kids for electricity?”

“Monster’s Inc,” Light supplied, “Yeah, I haven’t seen that in a long time. Want to watch it?”

“Sure.”

“Mm, you might cry at the ending, though.”

“We’ll see.”

\--

Light pulled slowly away, eyes half-lidded and mouth soft. Matsuda leaned forward, sucking his bottom lip back in. They melded back into the couch cushion. A hand gripped his waist firmly, warm and secure. Light’s legs twitched around Matsuda’s hips where he straddled him. The redness in his face didn’t need to be artificially forced. Matsuda made an art of making-out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Well, it only took me 4.6 billion years, but here is the second chapter! Hope you like it, I really am not very good at writing, it feels all stilted and wrong-worded. But, ah, here you go. No beta, so who knows how many mistakes there are?? One? & trillion??? The world may never know. Next chapter I want to incorporate more of the Yagamis and, eh, I’m not sure when the smut will come, but come it will ;D


	3. Lovebirds

Ten names. His fingers cramped with the speed of his writing. Thirteen. If he could make it to twenty, just a few more—fifteen, seventeen, nearly there—

The key scraped in his lock. He considered risking the two seconds to write another name, but he didn’t take risks unnecessarily. It’d be no feat to fool Matsuda into thinking he was writing a grocery list or note to himself, but the more true honesty he could use, the easier it was on him. Not that this was hard. It was all too easy at times.

Light slipped the death note and tiny netbook into the secret compartment below his bathroom sink. One polite flush of the toilet and unnecessary wash of his hands, and he was out the door and greeting his boyfriend with a kiss. 

Eighteen criminals dead, and Matsuda here to make breakfast for him; a decent morning. Still, he would have liked to have made it twenty…

Light knew he’d have to rearrange his life when he plotted out his relationship with Matsuda. The man would inevitably change things, forcing his way into his neatly arranged life. 

Yes, it was for the greater good, he told himself, but he had less time to devote to his work as Kira. He found himself writing fewer names, constrained by all of his obligations. The free time by himself he was used to was now being repurposed into ‘Matsuda time’—that meant less Kira time, and thus less dead criminals. 

Light carefully reminded himself that it wasn’t as if he hadn’t anticipated the amount of time Matsuda would take. It was just that he had to get used to it, that was all. He had managed back when he was still living at home with three other people, attending school, and being watched by L. This was a cakewalk in comparison.

So, he made room for a Matsuda-shaped space in his life. Evenings after work that were usually spent relaxing and judging criminals were turned into evenings with his boyfriend. And then his lunches. And his weekends. And now even his mornings were being taken. Soon, with their relationship moving in the direction it was (the direction it was supposed to), he would be giving his nights to Matsuda as well. Nearly all his time would belong to Matsuda, he knew, in the future.

Taking a few harried minutes here and there to write down names or compose instructions for Misa was stressful. At least Ryuk was out of the picture for now, hovering around her halfway across the globe on a tour. He could only imagine what he’d have to put up with if Ryuk were with him-- ogling at him while out on dates with Matsuda, teasing him about his dim-witted beau, or even watching them being intimate. Ugh.

No. He needed a specific time to himself where he could do his true job in peace and isolation. No—he needed a specific place, a location where he could slip away to without arousing any suspicion. Somewhere no one would dare to intrude apon. Someplace holy, Light thought wryly. Well, a church could possibly work.

“Light?” 

Light looked up. Matsuda was looking at him concernedly from the stove, saucepan held over a cold burner. Oh. He must have misjudged how long it would take for Matsuda to need some attention again. No problem, none at all.

Light went to give Matsuda an apologetic smile, a lie ready on his lips, but—“Light… are you alright? Is this about…” Matsuda stopped himself abruptly, eyes tight with worry.

This could work. This. This would actually work even better. Now Light had to suppress a real smile. His face slowly softened into sad shapes. He dropped his eyes to the floor, “Yeah. I’m sorry, it just hits me sometimes with no warning—He’s gone, but I just—“

Matsuda wordlessly left the stove. He was an expert in giving comfort, and his hug was perfectly firm and secure around his back. Light let himself sag, stooping and leaning on Matsuda to lay his head on the other’s shoulder. Sometimes it was a pain being the taller one in the relationship.

“Oh Light,” Matsuda sighed shakily. Of course he was near tears. His boyfriend was hurting, so he was too. “I wish I knew what to do to make everything ok.”

The grip on him tightened momentarily. “I was thinking,” Light started slowly, almost mouthed into Matsuda’s collar, “that maybe, if I could try visiting his grave, by myself, then maybe… maybe I could finally start to deal with it, you know?” 

And just like that, Light had the solution to his workflow management problem. 

*

What a perfect way to pay his respects.

Light sat neatly in front of L’s tombstone, the death note balanced on his folded knees. His laptop glowed dimly in the graveyard. He was silent, an almost-smile on his face while the stone opposite him almost seemed to glare. 

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

Sachiko patted Matsuda fondly on the cheek as he walked through the door, Light bending to receive a peck on his own—she’d do the same for Matsuda, but Light had acted a little embarrassed when she tried. Oh well. He’d have no excuse when they were married and he was family. 

Yes, she told herself calmly as she gestured them through to the living room while she finished dinner, they’d only been dating 4 months. Not very long. But they’d marry. Matsuda was too good to pass up—too good for Light, too good for their little family, too good to be true. She’d hear wedding bells if she had to drag them to a justice of the peace herself. But, for now she’d settle for patting the sweet man on the cheek.

Sachiko was honest, and she had honestly begun to believe that Light might end up alone. He was young, beautiful, and smart, but he was so unique that it was hard for him to find friends, let alone someone to spend the rest of his life with. As he grew older, he grew farther from her… and the rest of humanity, it seemed at times. She was his mother; she knew that she knew him better than he thought, just as every son thought of their mother and every mother thought of their son. 

Now, she saw her boy was happy. Happy, and not alone. There was no way she was letting that slip away—and she would make sure they wore matching tuxes.

-

Light and Matsuda sat together on the sofa, watching the local news with Soichiro as they waited for dinner. Sayu had squirmed her way between the couple on the couch, entirely too interested in their plans for the weekend. Light nearly pulled a face at her, but Matsdua eagerly chattered away about a nice restaurant they wanted to try. Her face fell, evidently realizing that it would be too high-class of a place for her to conceivably sneak into, and Light inwardly crowed. Her spying had gone from cute to annoying rather quickly. He needed to find her damn diary—she’d taken to hiding it, even planting a decoy under her mattress. 

Sometimes he wondered if he really was the only genius in the family. Sayu blew a raspberry at a commercial featuring Light’s favorite brand of potato chips. Light reconsidered.

A few feet away in his armchair, Soichiro looked fondly between the three on the couch. Light caught his father’s eye and gave an exasperated smile, returned by way of a contented grin. 

“Dinner’s ready!”

-

“I don’t think I’ve been this happy in a long time,” Sachiko said, voice soft but full of warmth, “My family here at the dinner table, all healthy and whole…”

“Plus a cute addition,” Sayu added slyly. Matusda snorted his drink up his nose, Light automatically thumping his back and pursing his lips at Sayu. Anything surprising should really wait until Matsuda had put his drink down, he had learned. 

Sayu sank back into her seat, slightly chagrined at nearly drowning her brother’s boyfriend. Soichiro sighed and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “What Sayu was trying to say,” he began, Matusda having regained use of his lungs, “is that we’re all very happy to have you with us, Matsuda.” 

Matsuda flushed and looked around the table with his shy, sweet smile. Light gave him the adoring gaze that was expected. Matsuda’s eyes met his, and seemed to melt. “So am I.”

His mother tittered. His father’s eyes looked years younger. Sayu deadpanned, “No, I literally meant he’s super cute.”

-

Matsuda helped Light into his coat. Completely unnecessary, but very appreciated. Light grabbed his hand and nodded mindlessly at his parents as they inched out the door and onto the front porch. No, they really couldn’t stay for another coffee. No, no, they really did have to go. Yes, it was a lovely dinner, yes they would come over again sometime next week. Yes, love you too, yes, alright, goodnight. Finally the door closed. 

“That was nice,” Matsuda commented. Light towed him away from the door before his parents could drag them back in, “I really like spending time with your family… it’s like having my own.” 

Light stopped for a moment. Matsuda’s family was few and far in between. His parents lived hours away, happily in retirement, and he had very little else in the way of relatives. Light knew how much his family meant to Matsuda—and now, he knew that he meant something to them too. It must be nice, that feeling of realizing you belong. 

Matsuda’s hand squeezed his, questioning. Light looked up and gifted him with a smile. Ah, to hell with it, he was in a charitable mood right now. He turned and wrapped his free arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a kiss. A very nice kiss. A very nice, getting very warm kiss-- 

The porch light flared to life above them like a spotlight. “Sorry boys, purely accident!” his father called from inside. 

In the background could be heard his mother scolding, “You let them be!”

-

Sachiko was still irritated. Soichiro was nearly pouting, but had apologized. She stirred her coffee briskly enough to chip the rim. “You,” she declared, “are going to let them slobber all over each other if they so please.” 

“Yes, dear.”

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

Dear Secret Diary,

 

Nothing much to report. Bro still has a hickie on his neck, I’m sure of it, but he’s been wearing those dumb turtlenecks. That’s like the most obvious sign you have a hickie. Ever. Pretty sure even Mom and Dad used that trick that when they were young and ew ew EWWWW no never mind I’m not thinking about that!!! Brain bleach, where are you when I need you!!!

My brother needs to get laid so bad. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t yet. I mean, he’s such a dweeb, he’d probably call a press conference to announce it all seriously ‘I gather you here today to proclaim that I… Light Yagami… have bumped uglies.’ What a nerd! He’s such an open book, there’s no way he could hide it if he lost his V-pin.

And Matsuda’s such a gossip, he’d totally spill the beans five minutes after they did the deed, still pants-less and all. He’s really a cool guy. Everyone thinks he’s the lucky one to have snagged Light. Ha! Try that in reverse. Light’s lucky to have gotten such a good guy, the massive dork he is. 

But I love that dork, and I’m so happy for him. He better not royally screw this up or, I swear, I’ll whoop him.

 

… … … Line Break … … …

 

Matsuda opened his eyes. Light’s breathing had evened out minutes ago, surely deeply sleep by now. He shifted slightly, just enough to reposition Light’s head more comfortably on his bicep. Brown lashes barely fluttered.

He liked to watch Light sleep. He liked to watch him awake too, but there was something special to see in his unwaking moments. Yes, he was beautiful. So, so beautiful, so much so that he still lost his breath at the sight of him sometimes, even after half a year. He looked at Light’s face, at the peace there and the absence of any mask. 

Matsuda was a fool. He knew it, as did everyone. But he wasn’t quite as big of a fool as most assumed. Being with someone so smart, so damn smart, he had to adapt. He liked to think that he got a little smarter just by association with Light. And one of the most important intellectual jumps he made was the realization that Light was not always Light. 

He was so intelligent, so responsible for everything that he had to play a lot of roles—Matsuda watched him change continuously from a boss to a friend to a detective to a son to a lover… He seemed very concerned with fulfilling each of those roles perfectly, but also separately. When he had to combine them, Matsuda could almost see the stress in his eyes. 

But, when they were alone… When they were alone together, more and more, Light looked more like he did when he was asleep. More relaxed, less stressed. More there. And Matsuda had the privilege to interact with Light—not the second L, not his boss, not a coworker or any other mask-- just Light. His Light.

For someone so brilliant, he was rather fragile. He had nightmares sometimes, most of which he would never tell him about, others he did. Confinement. The mock execution. The shinigami Rem. L. He was more human than people tended to believe. 

Perhaps that was why he needed the masks. To be himself all the time would be rather scary for him, Matsuda reasoned, and so he didn’t feel bad when Light would hide inside himself and give Matsuda a smile that wasn’t really there. 

He let his hand slide slowly, reverently down the slope of Light’s hip. He had stopped questioning how or why he had somehow fallen for him. It was just fate. Simple as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I. Yeah. Uh, I've had a really, really hard time writing. This was supposed to be much longer, but, well, this is all I could do. ;---; I'm sorry, ahh. I really want to finish this, but it may take me a long time. Anyway, I hope you like it. Sorry about no smut, but it will come. One day. In the far off future. When we have abandoned our limbs an welded metal spider legs onto our fleshbodies. I'm sorry I'm going to bed now ok bye


End file.
